Behold, o reader, the vigilance of the Thought Police. Observe the thoughtfulness and wit of Grand Poobah Sam Cook as he tackles racism in its ugliest form:
Sheriff Mike Scott swears he had no ulterior motive.
“I answered a lot of e-mails and signed my middle name (Joseph) on all of them,” says Scott, 45. “I don’t see anything wrong with calling him Barack Hussein Obama.
“That is his name.”
Yes it is. Yet it was much more at Monday’s rally at Germain Arena for vice presidential hopeful Gov. Sarah Palin.
Just in case it’s not clear there, the Grand Poobah is upset that Sheriff Scott used Barack Obama’s full name. He called him “Senator Barack Hussein Obama” instead of “Senator Obama” or “Senator Barack Obama” or “Barack Obama” or what have you. Everyone tracking here?
Because the Grand Poobah is just getting started.
When Scott dropped Obama’s Muslim middle name, message boards and mailbag contributors exploded.
“This must be the biggest news in the world. Is there nothing more important going on?” Scott asks sarcastically. “It absolutely shocks me. And I’m appalled by some of the e-mails. They are hateful and spiteful.”
Scott, in an interview Tuesday with news-press.com and The News-Press, says he doesn’t comprehend the commotion his name-calling put in motion.
“I was told to speak three to four minutes and fire up the crowd,” he says. “Help welcome her to Southwest Florida.
“That’s pretty much what I did. I’ve watched that tape over and over. I don’t see any malice. What I said was truthful and accurate. I did not say anything unethical, immoral or illegal.”
That’s a matter of opinion.
O RLY?!? Which point in particular is a matter of opinion? Malice? Malice is pretty concrete. Either it exists on the part of the speaker or it doesn’t. You can be offended when someone says something without malice, but let’s be serious for a second. If you’re offended by your favored candidate’s full name, you should sit yourself down and rethink your life.
Truthfulness? Accuracy? Demonstrate that Obama’s middle name isn’t Hussein. Oh wait, this isn’t about facts, it’s about opinions. Truthfulness and accuracy aren’t really open to ‘opinion.’ Something is truthful or it isn’t. Something is accurate or it isn’t. In this case, it’s 100% correct that Hussein is Obama’s middle.
Unethical? “In my opinion, it is unethical to use a candidate’s full name.” That just doesn’t make any sense. It pales in comparison to this potential gem, though. “In my opinion, it is immoral to use a candidate’s full name.” Pardon me while I roll out some fire and brimstone usually reserved for whores and drug pushers. Somebody used Obama’s full name. Hellfire and damnation are in late today, but they’ll be here soon. Can’t have this kind of behavior going undamned. No sirree bob.
Is Cook saying that in his opinion it’s illegal to use Obama’s full name? That makes even less sense than any of the options put forth in the above paragraph. You take that case before a judge and you’d be lucky to avoid contempt of court.
If Scott didn’t believe name-dropping “Hussein” would create upheaval in Southwest Florida, he isn’t the astute politician who captured 91 percent of the vote in Lee County’s Republican primary victory last month.
Again, Scott says he won’t back down from his comment.
Sheriff Scott won’t back down from using Obama’s full name? Well, that bastard! Let’s form a mob and lynch him! The post goes on in similar fashion, ending like this:
“I’ll tell you one thing,” he says. “If the Democrats do win, he will be sworn in by three names: Barack Hussein Obama.
“I can guarantee that.”
And I can guarantee the sheriff hasn’t heard the last of his name-calling rhetoric.
And there you have it. Using someone’s first, middle, and last names all at the same time is now officially name-calling rhetoric. It may or may not also be a federal crime. Good game, America. Our chances of survival have just dropped to zero. We’re doomed.