September 30, 2008
A one David Meyers broke into a one Robert McNally’s house, looking to rape his daughter. He didn’t count on getting pwn3d to death:
Police responding to a call from the city’s northwest side about 3:20 a.m. found 64-year-old Robert McNally on the hallway floor with his arm around the neck of 52-year-old David T. Meyers, who was pronounced dead at the scene.
Police spokesman Sgt. Matthew Mount said Meyers had a heart condition and may have had a heart attack. An autopsy was planned.
I guess the autopsy is to figure out if Meyers was strangled by McNally or if he gave himself a heart attack trying to travel back in time and warn himself that he was about to make a horrible error. The police won’t say whether or not he brought a flux capacitor with him.
Police said Meyers was naked except for a mask and latex gloves and had entered the home through a window near the girl’s bedroom with rope, condoms and a knife. He was familiar with the home’s layout because it belonged to a relative, police said.
The girl awoke and screamed when she saw the man in her room, police said. The father responded and struggled with the intruder while the girl’s mother phoned 911.
I would like to point out two things here. 1) The mother did the right thing in calling the police. 2) The father is a champion of all that is man, not only because he protected his family, but read that part again and count how many weapons are mentioned. McNally, unarmed, attacked Meyers, armed with a knife, and came out victorious. Note also that while Meyers went to the morgue, there’s no mention of McNally’s wounds, so either he wasn’t hurt badly enough to mention or he wasn’t hurt at all.
Police did not anticipate any charges against McNally.
I should hope not.
September 29, 2008
We now have a confession:
In fact, some of the most basic details, including the $700 billion figure Treasury would use to buy up bad debt, are fuzzy.
“It’s not based on any particular data point,” a Treasury spokeswoman told Forbes.com Tuesday. “We just wanted to choose a really large number.”
This is supposed to be a loan, as in we’re not supposed to be taking $700 billion from tax-payers, lighting it on fire, and doing an angry monkey dance around the ashes while chanting and genuflecting to icons of Henry Paulson and Ben Bernanke. We’re supposed to get that money back with interest at some point. That said, when asking for a huge amount of dollars, you should be able to say where those dollars are going and how you came up with that figure. “We just wanted to choose a really large number,” is perhaps the worst possible explanation you could give. Saying nothing at all would have been better, at least from a PR point of view, because while everyone might suspect you’re a jackass, they wouldn’t know for sure.
Why would the Treasury pull such a huge number out of their hats? I found James Madison hiding in a long-lost corner of the internet and asked him. He said:
You will understand the game behind the curtain too well not to perceive the old trick of turning every contingency into a resource for accumulating force in the government.
Then he tried to sell me a magnet.
September 28, 2008
Ahmadinejad spoke at the UN on Tuesday, delivering unhinged conspiracy theories. Highlights include blaming the recent war between Georgia and Russia on Western and NATO aggression and America and Europe are controlled by a small number of deceitful Zionists. Enthusiastic applause ensues, the UN Secretary General thanks this wingnut for his speech, and gives him a nice, friendly hug.
It’s as if the UN has been spending too much time with Code Pink.
September 27, 2008
The Department of Education in Pittsburg recently decided that 50% is now the minimum score teachers can give out. Goodbye, 0’s for kids that don’t turn in their assignments or show up for tests. Goodbye, grading schemes that make sense. Goodbye, grades that accurately reflect performance. Nobody likes you anyways.
The best part is, the DoE says it’s not a grade inflation scheme, even though the justification they give for this system is that it will raise students’ grades. Hey, I have an idea… let’s give crack to elementary school kids so they won’t turn into crack addicts when they’re older! BRILLIANT!!!
September 26, 2008
Now that the first debate has come and gone, the internets are buzzing with thoughts on who won and why and whatnot. Here’s what I notice:
- Folks who are going to vote McCain/Palin in November say McCain won.
- Folks who are going to vote Obama/Biden in November say Obama won.
- Folks who are going to vote Barr/Root in November wonder why Barr wasn’t invited to the debate.
- Ditto the Barr/Root point for all other third parties.
Seeing a pattern here? It’s almost as if everyone is saying their preferred candidate won!* Holy crap! Somebody call NASA! Science has just taken place!
*Obviously, nobody voting third party is saying their preferred candidate won. They’re more interested in getting their preffered candidate into the next debate than who won this one.
September 26, 2008
From now on, folks who swim the English Channel will be mocked for being unable to fly over it like this guy. He built his own rocket pack. His name may or may not be Tony Stark. The name Cliff Secord has also been mentioned.
All he needs now is a landing that doesn’t require a parachute. As Captain America once said, “Parachutes are for girls.”
September 26, 2008
Did anyone else notice a sharp drop in gas prices when the off-shore drilling moratorium was threatened? I did. The gas station near my house dropped its prices about 80 cents in three weeks. That’s at the mere threat of increased oil production. Imagine what would happen if said increase in production actually took place.
Or just wait a while and see for yourself, because as of right now, it’s open season on American oil. Quick! Turn the oil rigs off the Californian coast back on before the hippies can recover!